Dear Constant Reader (and anyone else who accidentally found this site when they misspelled "Show Me the Shell"):
Much to my absolute amazement and shock, I was approached by an online magazine to offer what was termed a "brain dump" about my environmental knowledge. You be the judge about which end it came from.
Anyway, the 1 hour interview resulted in enough information for 3 articles. Many of you who have either heard my "soap box speeches" or have read my rants (loosely termed blog posts) may be surprised, but never fear. They are long articles and, though written with a more serious bent that you may be used to from me, are probably worth checking out, if only for the highly unflattering pictures of yours truly. Plus, the folks at Blue Planet, Green Living are, if I may coin a term, "eco-licious!"
You can find the articles in all their ephemeral online glory, plus a whole bunch of other neat eco stuff, at www.organicgreenandnatural.com
The articles in order are:
Red Tape, Regulations and Environmetnal Crimes
ISO 14001: Comply with Laws, Prevent Pollution, Continually Improve
My 5: Molly Long, A.W.E. Consulting
Enjoy!
Showing posts with label "war" stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label "war" stories. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
Happy 2009!
I just want to wish everyone who follows "Show Me the Shall" faithfully a Happy New Year!
I sincerely thank you for your readership and would like to let the both of you know that my New Year's resolution is to audit less and blog more!
Please forgive my unforgivable absence, I was on the road auditing non-stop starting in July through December. Not that I could have competed with all the attention given to the election (that's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it) Of course I always have my trusty laptop with me (although, my Sony puts the "rust" in trusty - but, I digress), so it seems like a pretty lame excuse... Of course, I won't let that stop me from whining...
Besides, as any auditor knows, one's creative juices are not exactly flowing after a grueling day of torturing auditees - although the gin and juice is. OK, so it may have inspired Hemigway, but he was in the Florida Keys, which is infinitely more relaxing than some of the places I have been this year. This brings me to my top 12 auditing FUBARs of 2008 - why not 10? 'Cause I can't afford rehab, so this blog is my 12-step program!
12. Auditing on my birthday in northern Minnesota on a record cold day - You betcha!
11. Visiting the Mexican desert in August and getting Montezuma's revenge - Aye papi!
10. Auditing in Phoenix in July - WTF???
9. Traveling to 9 cities in 4 days and crossing every time zone in this beautiful country - Jet lag-schmet lag!
8. Spending all but 17 of the last 100 days of '08 on the road - even my dog doesn't know me anymore...
Yada, yada, yada, wah, wah, wah, so let's skip to number one:
I get a flat tire in the middle of the night on the way home from an audit. I call the emergency roadside assistance service folks who say they'll call back when they find a tow service. An hour passes and absolutely no one has stopped to help. I decide to change it myself (because I am impatient). To my dismay, I discover that the hand-crank jack (sounds naughty, doesn't it?) needs about a foot of clearance, which my sporty little coupe did not have.
At this point, a state trooper pulls up. I immediately drop the lug wrench, put my hands up, and pray he doesn't shoot me, or worse, write me a ticket for speeding (this actually happened to me the last time I broke down in Indiana). To my utter amazement, he helps me. He grabs a good old American car jack from his trunk, gets the tire off and we grab the spare. Sadly, this is where the fairy tale ends: The spare has to be inflated by a cute little compressor that plugs into the cigarette lighter. The compressor works great - if you are a balloon animal artist and not in a big hurry.
Any-who, we call the emergency roadside assistance folks to see if they have any advice on how we can inflate the tire before we grow old and die. I hand the phone to the officer so he can get the skinny. They have no answers, they also tell him that no wreckers are available and end by recommending he call the police for help.
PRICELESS!
My hubby had to drive down and rescue me.
All in all it wasn't a bad year, but I wish everyone a better 2009!
I sincerely thank you for your readership and would like to let the both of you know that my New Year's resolution is to audit less and blog more!
Please forgive my unforgivable absence, I was on the road auditing non-stop starting in July through December. Not that I could have competed with all the attention given to the election (that's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it) Of course I always have my trusty laptop with me (although, my Sony puts the "rust" in trusty - but, I digress), so it seems like a pretty lame excuse... Of course, I won't let that stop me from whining...
Besides, as any auditor knows, one's creative juices are not exactly flowing after a grueling day of torturing auditees - although the gin and juice is. OK, so it may have inspired Hemigway, but he was in the Florida Keys, which is infinitely more relaxing than some of the places I have been this year. This brings me to my top 12 auditing FUBARs of 2008 - why not 10? 'Cause I can't afford rehab, so this blog is my 12-step program!
12. Auditing on my birthday in northern Minnesota on a record cold day - You betcha!
11. Visiting the Mexican desert in August and getting Montezuma's revenge - Aye papi!
10. Auditing in Phoenix in July - WTF???
9. Traveling to 9 cities in 4 days and crossing every time zone in this beautiful country - Jet lag-schmet lag!
8. Spending all but 17 of the last 100 days of '08 on the road - even my dog doesn't know me anymore...
Yada, yada, yada, wah, wah, wah, so let's skip to number one:
I get a flat tire in the middle of the night on the way home from an audit. I call the emergency roadside assistance service folks who say they'll call back when they find a tow service. An hour passes and absolutely no one has stopped to help. I decide to change it myself (because I am impatient). To my dismay, I discover that the hand-crank jack (sounds naughty, doesn't it?) needs about a foot of clearance, which my sporty little coupe did not have.
At this point, a state trooper pulls up. I immediately drop the lug wrench, put my hands up, and pray he doesn't shoot me, or worse, write me a ticket for speeding (this actually happened to me the last time I broke down in Indiana). To my utter amazement, he helps me. He grabs a good old American car jack from his trunk, gets the tire off and we grab the spare. Sadly, this is where the fairy tale ends: The spare has to be inflated by a cute little compressor that plugs into the cigarette lighter. The compressor works great - if you are a balloon animal artist and not in a big hurry.
Any-who, we call the emergency roadside assistance folks to see if they have any advice on how we can inflate the tire before we grow old and die. I hand the phone to the officer so he can get the skinny. They have no answers, they also tell him that no wreckers are available and end by recommending he call the police for help.
PRICELESS!
My hubby had to drive down and rescue me.
All in all it wasn't a bad year, but I wish everyone a better 2009!
Friday, May 30, 2008
Bizzare Audit Experiences
I have been asked many times what is my strangest auditing experience. I have really had too many to pick one that stands above all others, but here a some of the weirdest by category:
Animal Encounters:
"Nice doggy!": I was bitten by a junkyard dog while trying to take samples based on a complaint that the owner was dumping oil (at a junkyard - imagine that!). Once the incident was reported, the owner reported the dog missing for almost all of the 2-week rabies observation period. It looked like I was going to have to get the dreaded series of shots in the stomach, until the dog miraculously "reappeared" on the last day. Whew! But they don't call me "Mad Dog Molly" for nothing!
"The Stress Musta Got to 'Em":
There is nothing quite like the special ambiance of an emergency room for a closing meeting. My client was having dizzy spells and was uncontrollably nauseous, which is not necessarily abnormal at a closing meeting, but we did think this case was serious enough to go to the hospital. Fortunately he got better, and to this day claims it was NOT the audit, but a temporary loss of equilibrium in his ear after a cross-country flight.
"War" stories are sometimes an excellent way to encourage a client to open up and relax, but ghost stories? One client explained to me that he talks to ghosts that live on the other side of his backyard fence, and they tell him what to do. What can you do but nod your head, smile and try not to make any sudden movements?
Lovely Weather We're Having:
Having 3 tornado warnings in one afternoon was an excellent chance to test the effectiveness of emergency preparedness and response procedures at one organization. Plus, I had a ready-made pool of interviewees trapped there with me. Bonus! Hey, just like showbiz: the audit must go on!
Unfriendly Fire:
As a rookie park ranger (19 years old), I was on patrol, when my veteran partner spotted someone with beer on the beach (which wasn't allowed), so he let me out to write my first ticket. While I was busily trying to figure out how to fill out the form, I was oblivious to everything else, including my perp, who was standing between his car door and the interior of the vehicle. My partner came up behind him, and grabbed the billy club he had been reaching for, brought it up and said" What's this?" I sure learned some important observation skills that day...
...and the "most evil" award goes to this one:
When I was a hazardous waste inspector for the Indiana Department of Environmental Management, I was involved in a case where the owner of a plating company was trying to sell off and/or dispose of all his chemicals so he could skip town. I got involved after the city shut off the company's sewer access and called IDEM in to investigate. The case ultimately wound up with the federal EPA. If it were a Master Card ad, it would go like this:
Fines for illegally discharging your untreated plating solution to the sewer: $5000.
Fines for illegally burning your hazardous waste in the parking lot: $25,000.
Getting ten years in the federal pen for trying to sell your polluted property to the city for use as a youth center: Priceless!
Animal Encounters:
"Nice doggy!": I was bitten by a junkyard dog while trying to take samples based on a complaint that the owner was dumping oil (at a junkyard - imagine that!). Once the incident was reported, the owner reported the dog missing for almost all of the 2-week rabies observation period. It looked like I was going to have to get the dreaded series of shots in the stomach, until the dog miraculously "reappeared" on the last day. Whew! But they don't call me "Mad Dog Molly" for nothing!
"The Stress Musta Got to 'Em":
There is nothing quite like the special ambiance of an emergency room for a closing meeting. My client was having dizzy spells and was uncontrollably nauseous, which is not necessarily abnormal at a closing meeting, but we did think this case was serious enough to go to the hospital. Fortunately he got better, and to this day claims it was NOT the audit, but a temporary loss of equilibrium in his ear after a cross-country flight.
"War" stories are sometimes an excellent way to encourage a client to open up and relax, but ghost stories? One client explained to me that he talks to ghosts that live on the other side of his backyard fence, and they tell him what to do. What can you do but nod your head, smile and try not to make any sudden movements?
Lovely Weather We're Having:
Having 3 tornado warnings in one afternoon was an excellent chance to test the effectiveness of emergency preparedness and response procedures at one organization. Plus, I had a ready-made pool of interviewees trapped there with me. Bonus! Hey, just like showbiz: the audit must go on!
Unfriendly Fire:
As a rookie park ranger (19 years old), I was on patrol, when my veteran partner spotted someone with beer on the beach (which wasn't allowed), so he let me out to write my first ticket. While I was busily trying to figure out how to fill out the form, I was oblivious to everything else, including my perp, who was standing between his car door and the interior of the vehicle. My partner came up behind him, and grabbed the billy club he had been reaching for, brought it up and said" What's this?" I sure learned some important observation skills that day...
...and the "most evil" award goes to this one:
When I was a hazardous waste inspector for the Indiana Department of Environmental Management, I was involved in a case where the owner of a plating company was trying to sell off and/or dispose of all his chemicals so he could skip town. I got involved after the city shut off the company's sewer access and called IDEM in to investigate. The case ultimately wound up with the federal EPA. If it were a Master Card ad, it would go like this:
Fines for illegally discharging your untreated plating solution to the sewer: $5000.
Fines for illegally burning your hazardous waste in the parking lot: $25,000.
Getting ten years in the federal pen for trying to sell your polluted property to the city for use as a youth center: Priceless!
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