Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy 2009!

I just want to wish everyone who follows "Show Me the Shall" faithfully a Happy New Year!

I sincerely thank you for your readership and would like to let the both of you know that my New Year's resolution is to audit less and blog more!

Please forgive my unforgivable absence, I was on the road auditing non-stop starting in July through December. Not that I could have competed with all the attention given to the election (that's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it) Of course I always have my trusty laptop with me (although, my Sony puts the "rust" in trusty - but, I digress), so it seems like a pretty lame excuse... Of course, I won't let that stop me from whining...

Besides, as any auditor knows, one's creative juices are not exactly flowing after a grueling day of torturing auditees - although the gin and juice is. OK, so it may have inspired Hemigway, but
he was in the Florida Keys, which is infinitely more relaxing than some of the places I have been this year. This brings me to my top 12 auditing FUBARs of 2008 - why not 10? 'Cause I can't afford rehab, so this blog is my 12-step program!

12. Auditing on my birthday in northern Minnesota on a record cold day - You betcha!

11. Visiting the Mexican desert in August and getting Montezuma's revenge - Aye papi!

10. Auditing in Phoenix in July - WTF???

9. Traveling to 9 cities in 4 days and crossing every time zone in this beautiful country - Jet lag-schmet lag!

8. Spending all but 17 of the last 100 days of '08 on the road - even my dog doesn't know me anymore...

Yada, yada, yada, wah, wah, wah, so let's skip to number one:

I get a flat tire in the middle of the night on the way home from an audit. I call the emergency roadside assistance service folks who say they'll call back when they find a tow service. An hour passes and absolutely no one has stopped to help. I decide to change it myself (because I am impatient). To my dismay, I discover that the hand-crank jack (sounds naughty, doesn't it?) needs about a foot of clearance, which my sporty little coupe did not have.

At this point, a state trooper pulls up. I immediately drop the lug wrench, put my hands up, and pray he doesn't shoot me, or worse, write me a ticket for speeding (this actually happened to me the last time I broke down in Indiana). To my utter amazement, he helps me. He grabs a good old American car jack from his trunk, gets the tire off and we grab the spare. Sadly, this is where the fairy tale ends: The spare has to be inflated by a cute little compressor that plugs into the cigarette lighter. The compressor works great - if you are a balloon animal artist and not in a big hurry.

Any-who, we call the emergency roadside assistance folks to see if they have any advice on how we can inflate the tire before we grow old and die. I hand the phone to the officer so he can get the skinny. They have no answers, they also tell him that no wreckers are available and end by recommending he call the police for help.


My hubby had to drive down and rescue me.

All in all it wasn't a bad year, but I wish everyone a better 2009!